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Sh*t My Dad Says: Part 1

It’s been a crazy week in the Confused household. I didn’t expect to have enough material for a Dad post for a couple of weeks, but there has just been too much funny stuff said that I had to write it all down, lest I should forget. So here is the first instalment into the workings of my Dad’s crazy brain. Enjoy.Mum: “Julia, did you hear that your old French teacher has become a personal trainer?”
Dad: “Teacher to personal trainer? What a cop out. I think I might become a personal trainer. What do you have to do to become a personal trainer?”
Me: “Well, not have a beer belly for a start. And be fit.”
Dad: “Why do I have to be fit? All I have to do is stand there and tell people what to do”

Dad: “It’s a grill bar. A bar and grill. A grill restaurant that has a bar attached.”
Me: “Ok. So, what kind of restaurant was it again?”

Sister: “Grandma used to always cheat at Scrabble and make words up and then try and convince us that they were real words. She was very canny.”
Dad: “No, she was thick. She was very canny at covering up the fact that she was thick.”
(Rest in peace, Grandma. Your son loves you.)

Dad: “There’s this really annoying woman at the club me and your Mum go to who won’t stop talking”
Sister: “Do you see her often?”
Dad: “Not if we can help it”

Dad: “Now remember while we’re away to shut all the windows and lock the doors and put the alarm on when you go to bed”
Me: “Phew, thank God you reminded me, cos I was planning on leaving everything wide open and leaving the key on the driveway”

Me: “You’re a bit of a reckless driver”
Dad: “Reckless driver?? I’m offended. I’ve never once had an accident in all my years of driving”
Me: “Maybe so, but as we speak you’re already driving over the speed limit and up the backside of the driver in front”
Dad: “I may be illegal, but I’m not dangerous”

Me: “I need to go food shopping”
Dad: “You’ve still got some pears in the kitchen”
Me: “They’re not pears, they’re sweet potatoes”
Dad: “Sweet potatoes?? Pfft….you and your exotic foods……”
(This came just as he was getting over the whole pineapple saga)

Sh*t My Dad Says: An Introduction

I have 8 months of living at my parents’ house before I set off on my big trip. That’s a long time when you’re an impatient person and want everything to happen as soon as possible.I have been thinking about how I can kill time during this period when I am not trip planning or daydreaming about the future. My new responsibility-free lifestyle has left me with a gap I need to fill with some form of entertainment. Fortunately for me, my parents provide me with a constant source of amusement. Even though I have only been living back at home for a week now, there have already been several occasions where I have laughed out loud at their crazy ideas and their general bewilderment at the lifestyle I have led in recent years. And after the Twitter success of my father’s football quotes last week, I have decided to start a new series of posts called “Sh*t My Dad Says”. I figure that if he can unwittingly make me chuckle on several occasions every week then surely he can provide some amusement to my readers also. Phrases and statements that once would have made me cringe with embarrassment during my teenage years now make me laugh and appreciate my crazy father for the accidental comic he is. I have to add here that my Dad is a very intelligent man, degree educated, a history buff and could hold his own in any debate on a variety of topics. But there are times when the things he says are so laughable you would forget everything I have just mentioned and believe that he is a crazy person. This is why I love him.To whet your appetites for what is to come, here are just a few of the gems he has come out with this past week:

To my Mum: “Julia buys exotic stuff when she goes to the supermarket. She came back with a pineapple today”

Me: “The aerial still isn’t working properly on my TV”
Dad: “Are you sure you’re doing it right? You are turning it on and selecting the channel you want?”
Me: “Yes, Dad. I know how to work a TV”

Dad: “I don’t know whether to cancel this restaurant reservation or not. Your Mum’s been looking forward to it”
Me: “She spent the night in hospital and probably got very little sleep. I doubt she’ll be up for going for a meal”
Dad: “But what if she decides that it might be nice to still go and is annoyed that I cancelled? I cancel at my peril.”
(See guys – even after 40 years of marriage, you’ll still never know what women really want)

Putting English Stereotypes to Bed

The other day I read this line in a travel blog from someone who has just moved to England: “Before I went to England I thought that they had the worst food in Europe. Because that’s what everyone always says.” Who started this rumour? This may actually annoy me more than the whole ‘London is the only city in England worth visiting’ ridiculousness.

I know we all do it. We stereotype without even really realising we are doing it. From an early age we judge people and places on first impressions or from tales passed down to us by others. No matter how hard we try to fight against them, we do unfortunately sometimes discover them to be true.

Maybe I have been oblivious to it for so long, but it has only really been in the last year or so that I have realised how many misconceptions people have about England, the people who live here, the culture and the food. I actually found it quite shocking. And yet, if I was to be brutally honest with myself, I have done it with other countries in the past and I feel ashamed for that.

If you are thinking of coming to England and are worried about brushing up on your Queen’s English because you won’t be able to understand anyone, then push your fears aside and read my guide to some of the most inaccurate English stereotypes.

Hot Air Balloon Ride Over Cappadocia: Part 2

hot air balloon ride cappadocia
What I loved about our particular pilot was how he knew exactly where to dip in the valleys so that you could get close to the rock formations.

hot air balloon ride cappadocia

All of the holes you can see that are carved into the side of the rock were homes for pigeons, who were considered to be very valuable in the years before artificial fertilisers came to pass (pigeon poop was used as a fertiliser for crops back then. Too much information?) The entrance to some of the pigeon holes were decorated with painted symbols and drawings and we managed to get close enough to snap some photos.